Human Target: Two and a Half Men
by christos200
Summary: When Malibu millionaire jingle writer Charlie Harper becomes the target of a persistent group of assassins, he hires an expert to protect him and take out the threat: 'human target' Christopher Chance.
1. Chapter 1 - A Bomb

**Human Target: Two and a Half Men**

 _Chapter 1 - A Bomb_

"Really Charlie?!" Alan said. "We were supposed to spend some time together, drinking beers and bonding. Instead you are now leaving with a blonde chick you just met?"

"A _hot_ blonde chick," Charlie retorted. "And yes, I am doing just that. Don't whine. Here's ten bucks to buy something to drink. See ya tomorrow morning."

"I refuse to accept y- Know what? Scratch that. I will have the money. Have a nice night!"

Alan greedily grabbed the money as Charlie made his way out of the bar with the tall, hot blonde woman wearing a red revealing dress.

"Now, time to go to my Malibu beach house," Charlie said. "The view there is just fantastic. I am sure you will be thrilled about it."

"I'm already thrilled," the woman said as she kissed Charlie.

"Me too. Me too."

As they walked towards Charlie's car, a loud _tick_ sound was heard. All of the sudden, an explosion blew up the car, sending parts all over the place. Charlie fell on the ground. He let out a deep breath and sighed. "I am either extremely lucky or extremely unlucky!"

"I am leaving!" the woman cried out.

"Where are you going?"

"Somewhere safe."

"Come on! Are you going to let a little explosion ruin our romantic night?"

"Little explosion?!" The woman slapped Charlie and then run away.

"Ouch. You could have just said no, you know..."

"What happened?" Alan asked. He was sweaty and breathing heavily as he had rushed out of the bar as fast as he could.

"My car blew up. And what's up with your pants? Did you wet them?"

Alan smiled awkwardly. "What? No... don't be silly. It is just water. I certainly did not wet my pants after I heard a loud, scary explosion. Not at all! So... where's your date?"

"She left."

Alan chuckled. 'Serves him right for leaving me alone...' he thought. "So.. I-" before he could complete his sentence, Charlie punched him in the face. "Ouch!"

"Shut up and let's get home."

* * *

"Why are you two here so early?" Jake asked when Charlie and Alan walked into the house.

"Why are you up so late?" Alan barked. "You have school tomorrow!"

"I thought you would still be out."

"It's not like he's learning anything at school," Charlie whispered.

Alan sighed. "Charlie, you are right but shut up. Jake, go to your room and sleep. Now!"

"Fine, fine..."

Alan and Charlie walked into the kitchen. Charlie grabbed a bottle of whiskey and began drinking.

"So... what exactly are you going to do?" Alan asked.

"Drink."

"Drink? Your car just exploded!"

"Yup. That's why I am drinking."

"Charlie, I do not believe that this explosion was some kind of accident. I am pretty sure someone planted a bomb."

"Wow!" Charlie remarked. "Did you figure it out all on your own Sherlock?"

"I am being serious Charlie. Do you know anyone that would want to kill you?"

"Eh... some of the women who may have slept with me and then did not take well the breaking up?"

"The dumping you mean?"

"I would not put it _that_ way, but yes."

"Well, the list of suspects must be in the hundreds then."

"We've got you Sherlock here investigating the case, so there is nothing to worry about!"

"Ha ha... not funny!"

 _Ring!_

"Ah!" Alan screamed.

"What?"

"The assassin!"

"Are you a moron?" Charlie asked. "Actually, no need to answer that. It was a rhetorical question. Why would the assassin be ringing the damn doorbell?"

"Because he wants to come inside and kill you?"

Charlie sighed and went to open the door.

"Who is it?" Alan asked, still waiting in the kitchen. "The assassin?"

"No. It's worse."

"How so?"

"It's our mother."

"Very funny..." Evelyn said as she walked inside the house.

"Hi mom," Alan said as he walked out of the kitchen.

"Hi Alan. Why are you holding a knife?"

"I thought you were the assassin."

Evelyn sighed.

"You see what I have to deal with every day?" Charlie asked. "And that's without accounting for Jake. So... what brings you here mom?"

"I learned that your car exploded and wanted to know if you are ok."

"I am fine. No need to worry."

" _No need to worry?_ Someone wants to kill you and you tell me not worry? Look, we may not like each other but still, you are my son. I can't let you get killed."

"What exactly do you have in mind?"

"I know someone who can protect you while flushing out the threat and eliminating it."

"Who?"

" _Christopher Chance_ "


	2. Chapter 2 - Mission Accomplished!

**Human Target: Two and a Half Men**

 _Chapter 2 - "Mission Accomplished!"_

"Do you hear me?"

"I do," the man replied. He was hiding behind a large wooden box in a dark, abandoned warehouse."Don't worry Winston. Emily is safe and I lured the targets in the warehouse."

"Good. Contact me once you are done."

"I will."

That man was Christopher Chance, private contractor, bodyguard and security expert. He was armed with a .44 Magnum pistol and a knife.

 _Crank!_

The warehouse's door opened and a squad of four men walked inside. All of them wore white shirts and black ties and trousers. They were all armed with pistols.

"He is somewhere here," one of them, Tony, said. "Search the place and eliminate him."

The squad split up as the men slowly began moving around, carefully checking the area for any sign of Chance. As one of them was walking right by a wooden box, suddenly he was grabbed by the neck. He tried to scream but he was unable to do so as Chance's arm strangled him. He tried to resist by kicking his attacker but Chance continued strangling him until the man was dead.

"One dead, three more to go..." Chance whispered.

He grabbed his knife from his pocket and sprinted forward. Chance could hear the heavy breathing of one of the intruders. It helped orient him towards his target. He was looking around, unsuspicious that Chance was watching him from behind the cover of a box. Chance somersaulted and landed his knife at the back of his target. The man screamed in pain as Chance gave him the final blow by slitting his throat.

"Damn!"

Chance at once threw away the knife and sprinted away.

 _Boom!_

The sound of a bullet being fired was heard. The third guy had spotted Chance when he heard the screaming of his colleague. The bullet almost hit Chance but thankfully he had managed to take cover behind a box. He took out his .44 Magnum and with two quick movements, he aimed at the man and shot him. The bullet went right through his forehead, instantly killing him.

"Only one remains..." Chance whispered as he let out a deep breath.

He wasn't the only one breathing deeply. Tony too was taking deep breaths as he was walking around. He was nervously shaking and his face was covered with cold sweat.

'Where is this bastard?!' he thought to himself.

All of the sudden, Tony heard the sound of steps. He turned around and saw Chance aiming at him. Tony at once fired and so did Chance. Both missed their target.

Chance was about to fire again when he realized he was out of ammo. He threw away his gun and sprinted at Tony. Tony fired at Chance but he was able to dodge the bullet; it passed right by his face. Before Tony could fire again, he was punched in the face by Chance.

"Ah!" he screamed.

Chance tried to punch again Tony but this time he parried the attack with ease. "You are not the only one who knows martial arts," Tony said.

"Good. I was getting bored."

Chance sprinted forward and struck at Tony with his elbow. Tony was hit on the right cheek and fell on the floor. He quickly got up and spat some blood. "Not bad."

Chance attacked again but this time Tony kicked him in the chest with a rapid back kick. For a moment, Chance felt as if he couldn't breath. "You aren't bad yourself," he smilingly replied.

Tony roared and attempted to punch Chance but he skipped nimbly around behind him and shoved him on the floor. Before Tony could get up, Chance kicked his face. A _crack!_ sound was heard and Tony was knocked out.

Chance let out a deep breath. He then called Winston. "Mission accomplished!"

"Good. Now get the hell out of there."

"I will. Relax man."

"We have a new mission and the client will soon be coming to the office."

Chance smiled. "Can't get a break, can we? So... what kind of client?"

"Some millionaire jingle writer called... what was his name? Ah yes! _Charlie Harper_!"


End file.
